Bag Lady

You know that familiar tinge of frustration you feel as soon as you read that disappointing text message from a friend or when your boo thang is late to pick you up for the 100th time. It’s not because you didn’t expect them to frustrate you or let you down, but more so that you keep allowing yourself back in the same familiar territory. A few weeks ago, I ended what I thought was a dear friendship. I got into it with my roommate, yet again, about the same selfish mess. And I spent more time answering phone calls and ridiculously long storybook text messages than I ever want to again. Now don’t get me wrong, I love a good story book conversation but not when the topic of discussion is an ungrateful or selfish person that keeps lingering and creating unwanted stress in my life. Of course, hindsight is always 20/20… However, the little inkling of drama swirling got me thinking about peace of mind again. 

By this time in our lives, we have all experienced a relationship with someone who is one sided—that friend who you always have to reach out to first or who can never see the wrong in themselves regardless of the situation. Maybe it’s a significant other who doesn’t seem to get it most days or perhaps an entitled roommate.

A  toxic person, in my opinion, is one that drains you—mentally, emotionally, physically, or all of the above. That person you can give your last breath to and it still would not be adequate. You know, the one you roll your eyes at when they hit you with a 4-page letter via text. 

Frankly, your toxic person could could be anyone but the important question is “Why do we find ourselves settling for these kinds of encounters?”

 Ya’ll please learn to protect your energy when it comes to dealing with toxic people. They will slowly deteriorate you and your sanity. Most importantly, don't let yourself be toxic for someone else. I’m obviously not a doctor and this isn't scientifically proven but I bet we could all add 10+ years to our lives if we learned two important phrases.

1.  Miss me with that bullshit


Now that first option, you should use with discretion. It could backfire and create more chaos in your life but SILENCE is golden. I don’t mean ignoring, I mean truly mastering “being unbothered.” Worry about your damn self. ALL. DAY. EVERY. DAY.

Remember when we were children if we didn’t like a toy we put it away and stopped playing with it. Simple as that! It did not matter how silly the reason might have been. Yet as adults we hold onto the same things that make us unhappy, uncomfortable, or unstable.  We hold onto people…We hold onto careers…We hold onto places that can be detrimental to our well-being.

As we dipped our toes into this thing we like to call adult-ing, we stopped focusing on ourselves and moved towards pleasing the toxic people that make us miserable. Sub-consciously we are hardwired by the media and "reality television." No shade, but even our families socialize these bad habits into us. We are taught to put a band-aid on and stay rather than just walking away.

Those feelings I reminded you of earlier, disappointment and frustration, are emotions you have complete control over. The discomfort you’re feeling is the universe gently telling you to Let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go *(In my Erykah Badu voice). It's okay to put yourself first, in fact, it is highly recommended if you ever want to "figure yourself out." So I suggest you get yourself a tall glass of coconut water and detox all the toxic bullshit from your life before 2017 rolls in!

Anywho, I’m so sorry for this cliché New Year, New Me type of post. But I really want all of you to go into 2017 feeling as confident and ready as I do. Any year can be yours if just let all that unneccasarry bullshit miss you.

Have a Happy New Year my little caterpillars!!! As always thanks for reading, come back soon! 



Tonja ThompsonComment