Four Reasons He Ghosted You
Last week I discussed this “tryna get chose” mentality women seem to have. (Tap in right here if you missed that post). But I want to take it a step further because this phenomenon of men “going ghost” is a definite trend that doesn’t seem to be dwindling anytime soon. Going Ghost, for those who haven’t experienced it yet, is when a potential bae decides they’re not worthy and disappears without warning. They stop responding to your calls, texts, and smoke signals too. Yes, occasionally men get ghosted too! Perhaps I’m biased but I feel like most women give an explanation before they dip out or they’ve been telling you all along they weren’t interested and said man just didn’t want to hear it.
My first experience with getting ghosted was traumatic, to say the least. In fact, this post is my therapy session because I still can’t believe it happened! It was like someone gave me the corner brownie I had been craving and then while I was sleeping, they took it back with no explanation. I’ll never know what happened to that brownie... but like every dating experience, you have to take it with a grain of salt.
Before we start getting all distraught (which is usually my first reaction cause I’m dramatic AF)… lets rewind. There were definitely red flags or signs this was coming, it’s possible you were just too smitten to notice them. Obviously, I’m not an expert on why men ghost women, BUT my friend Jared (AKA @wolfpackhitter on the gram) is a known ladies’ man. He compiled this list for me of all the top reasons men going ghost:
· Fear of commitment: A lot of men love to talk a big game, but when it comes time to “walking the walk” they get cold feet. Rather than expressing this change of heart productively it’s easier to just disappear. Honestly, how can he face you and tell you he’s not ready? He just convinced you otherwise… so would you even believe him if he told you the truth? This is one of the rare occasions where him ghosting has nothing to do with you. A literal form of “it’s not you it’s me”. Whether he tells you or goes ghost your feelings are going to be hurt regardless, and most men choose to walk away in order to avoid the “you ain’t sh*t” speech you’ll end up giving him.
· Already committed: You know, that female intuition has been nagging at you for a while, and something just doesn’t seem right. You’ve been enjoying your “situationship” but are ready to make it official, and he just won’t budge. Then he goes ghost. You don’t understand what happened and you’re not sure why things fell off. A couple of weeks later, you might just see him with a new girl, proudly professing his love for her. Feelings might get hurt because he’s doing everything for her that he wouldn’t do for you. Him and his “new girl” were likely going through a rough patch when you met or started talking again…but they found a way to work it out. In those cases, men feel there’s not much time to give you a detailed explanation of his abrupt disappearance, so don’t be too hard on yourself. Instead of beating yourself up about it realize he was probably in this relationship when he met you and you dodged a bullet.
· You not the one: This doesn’t need much of an explanation, men and women do this just alike. You were there to serve a purpose (sex, company, conversation, a meal, money, etc.), and now you’re “contract” has expired. Usually you’re already aware of the terms of this engagement prior to the disappearance, so him going ghost should not come as a surprise to you. On to the next.
· Turned Off: A lot of times, things can look very promising when getting to know your potential bae, but for some men, the smallest thing can be a turn off and cause him to go ghost. It could be something serious like you not wanting to have kids or get married in the future, or something as small as chewing too loudly during dinner. Generally, a mature man won’t disappear without telling you what actually turned him off, but men also understand that women can be a bit irrational when their ego is bruised. So, to avoid it all together, they just disappear
Every situation is slightly different which means there are many other reasons that men will go ghost. However, the reasons described above cover the general scope motives behind ghosting. Keep in mind women aren’t immune from going ghost and it is likely that women go ghost a lot more often and worse than men do. Women love to “drop hints” hoping the man will pick up on it instead of just being forthright about their true feelings…but that’s another top for another time. Dating in general is a dangerous game, and flawed communication is at the root of most unhappy endings.
There you have it folks. C O M M U N I C A T I O N is the key. While I tend to agree, I also think intuition, like Jared mentioned, is the next key ingredient. Very rarely are we actually blind-sided by getting ghosted, we just have to be willing to pay attention the signs!
Thanks for reading or listening my little caterpillars! Be sure to drop a comment below, keep the conversation going. If you're feeling really inspired you can share too, use the links below for direct posts :)
Jared Carithers is a 25 year old bachelor hailing from Pg County, Maryland. Already holding a bachelor of science degree in sustainable business, Jared is also set to receive his masters degree in cyber security policy & management this fall. He is a former collegiate athlete, and enjoys watching sports, anime, traveling, meeting new people, and maximizing every single day this life has to offer. Keep the conversation going via Twitter @wolfpackhitter or on Instagram @wolfpxckhitter