Being lonely can be one of the scariest feelings a person will identify in their adult life. As children, it is referred to as boredom. When there is nothing to do but be in one’s own presence… it doesn’t feel “right.” It is as if people feel like they need an activity, another person or a group to feel complete. So, they abandon new adventures to go back home to familiarity. They may follow a significant other across the country in hope for a fairytale. Or they stay stagnant in places or relationships that hold them back. These situations constantly occur and reoccur because society portrays being alone as an immense failure.

Consider that there are 7.3 billion people on this earth. You are constantly surrounded by people: strangers, lovers, friends, frenemies, co-workers… You may even have a wonderful tribe supporting you too! Yet ever so often that familiar tinge of loneliness still finds a way to creep in. Because this generation is a byproduct of the age of social media and instant gratification, it is becoming second nature for humans to yearn for constant attention; companionship. Many of us won’t even complete simple tasks alone! This growing fear of being alone is abnormal.

But regardless if this fear is learned or a primal human instinct, the fear of being alone is there. It exists and it can be daunting. Sometimes it can feel as if you might be alone forever. You may even joke about it as you try to ignore or glaze over the feeling. Everyone experiences these feelings, even those who like to tell themselves “I am single by choice.”

After going through a heartbreak, whether it be a friendship, relationship, or an imaginary situationship… a rebound phase is inevitable. That void is filled with whatever vice suits us best. That could be substances, new friends, or new flings. But those vices are Band-Aids, the wounds are never truly allowed to heal. So, our hearts harden. You may end up feeling more alone and the cycle continues…. People jump into relationships, fall deeply into a love that may or may not be fully reciprocated, and finally, end up beating themselves up when they end up alone all over again. This goes for friendships just as much as it does for significant others. It is so easy to get wrapped up in what life should look like. So, the question is, what truly scares us about being A L O N E?

Being alone is such a powerful thing, it’s also a cleansing experience. I want you to remember two things next time these feelings creep in:

1.     Feeling lonely is a normal part of life

It’s a part of that discomfort I’m always talking about. Growth. There is something you may need to learn about yourself or deal with from your past. I have personally had a similar scenario reoccur in my life. It wasn’t until my mom recently said to me, “Doesn’t this feel familiar, you keep going through this because you haven’t learned your lesson yet” that it suddenly became clear. It’s a matter of being in tune with yourself. Find the patterns in your life and I guarantee you’ll find the solution to your loneliness.

2.     It is okay to be incredibly happy and lonely at the same time

Don’t ever allow yourself to settle. Those pangs of loneliness will hit you at the worst times, you’ll be ready to call up anyone who will listen… but I promise those are the moments you need yourself the most. Cry it out, write it out, laugh it out—do whatever you need to in order to understand and release those feelings. Everything in life is about balance and it is almost impossible to always be in a state of euphoria. Allow yourself to be lonely so you can learn exactly what you’re yearning for. Teach yourself how to manifest your own purest version of H A P P I N E S S.

I share all of this to say, becoming you is a journey. It’s not easy but the end result will always be worth it.