S E L F - D O U B T

Pat yourself on the back, seriously you cannot keep reading unless you actually do it(*Pat Pat). Your life may not be the perfect fairytale you envisioned as a child BUT, I can guarantee you have at least ONE accomplishment you are highly proud of by now! Whether it be earning a degree, living on your own (AKA UH-dulting), or even performing a poem at a local open mic night just to name a few… Have you ever heard of serotonin or dopamine? Those are the chemicals released in your brain, that create a sense of pride and happiness when you accomplish goals. You are working towards your future,  get excited!

Seriously though, remember those feelings the next time you feel doubts starting to creep in. Self-doubt can be so crippling, but having doubts is human nature. In fact, we can’t challenge and push ourselves to higher standards without a few doubts. The thing that limits us the most in life is fear. I talk about this so much, because we truly are our own worst enemy. We are scared to fail; scared to start over; scared to succeed; scared to be wrong, scared to be right… it’s exhausting!

If you support me on social media, you might have seen that I had an opportunity to represent Kalghani Swimwear at a fashion show! What you might not know about me, is that modeling has always been a silent dream of mine. Now I’m 5’1 and don’t fit into the American standard AT ALL. But I went to the casting on a whim and I even laughed and giggled during my “runway walk tryout.” Because I was true to my usual awkward self, I left feeling PROUD that I had tried out. Even though I DOUBTED that I was good enough for the show, it was still an experience I wouldn’t forget.

Fast forward a week later and I got the callback! I know it wasn’t NY fashion week, but it is a start! I also think it’s important to highlight that I just went for it. I didn’t let my height or other insecurities stop me.  I didn’t talk myself out of the casting (well I’m lying, I almost didn’t go because I didn’t want to sit in bay bridge traffic butttttt…). The point is you miss 100% of the shots you don’t shoot. More importantly, learning to celebrate the little wins put you in the mindset to conquer and dream bigger than you could have ever imagined.

It’s not always going to be rainbows and success stories either. I think by now, we all know I live in California. I’ve sacrificed a lot to find my happiness during this last year. These last few months proved to be the hardest days in my journey thus far. Ya’ll I have never been SO BROKE in my life. I’ve cut out so many luxuries. I've cut down on my personal trips. Lately, I find myself choosing to stay in rather than enjoy nights out with friends. I have been really struggling to decide if it’s time to give up on this California dream and move on home. I’d be lying if I didn’t say I was doubting my abilities to be self-sufficient, as I was in Nebraska.

Like I said, this story doesn’t have a happy ending yet but I can tell you, I have a phenomenal support system that constantly reminds me that I don’t need to doubt myself. I am beyond grateful for my parents, best friends, and amazing new roommates! So, guys, this week I want ya’ll to know YOU CAN DO IT. When the doubt sets in, recall that pride and happy place. Work towards your next big goal without hesitation and watch your dreams begin to manifest right before your eyes!

Tonja ThompsonComment